Lessons from AA

I researched Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) to learn why they start their introductions with:

“Hi, I’m [name], and I’m an alcoholic”.

I hate the idea of labeling myself as something I don’t want to be, and I also think labels can become identifiers that perpetuate behaviors, like “I haven’t been able to [insert thing that you haven’t accomplished], because I’m ADHD.” I also don’t want to carry a label for something that is actually an outcome of unresolved underlying symptoms. We don’t reach for the bottle, or social media, or shopping, or unhealthy foods because everything is going well. We reach for it to avoid discomfort, to drown out our thoughts, to get through the day, or to give in to the many quiet whispers, the negotiations, like “relax, you deserve this.”

Well…

Hi, I’m Emanuela, and I’m a revenge trader.

What I learned is that stating that one is an alcoholic is not about assuming an identity or a label to continue to do or excuse the behavior, but it’s instead about radical ownership. It’s a declaration of awareness, a way of saying, “this lives inside me, and I won’t pretend it doesn’t.” It’s about acknowledging a force so powerful that when it’s left unchecked, it will derail you, take from you, and destroy everything steady in your life. It doesn’t disappear, it just lies dormant, waiting for the right mix of pressure, emotion, or exhaustion to wake it up. It’s not something to take lightly or brush off as a phase you’ve grown out of. Just like the market, it’s bigger than you, stronger than you, and fully capable of humbling you the moment you start thinking you’re above it.

Saying it out loud leaves no room for the illusion that we have control over it, in the same way that we have no control over the market itself.

That’s why people in AA start with “Hi, I’m [name], and I’m an alcoholic.” It’s not about identity, it’s about respect for the power of what you’re dealing with. It’s an acknowledgment that this thing inside you is real, that it can take you for everything you’ve got if you stop seeing it clearly.

Revenge trading, much like any other addiction, is a powerful force, and the moment we forget this by bending our rules, adding just a little more size, skipping our studies, or moving a stop, is the moment we are most susceptible to falling into a spiral. “I am a revenge trader” acknowledges the part of us that lives in there somewhere, waiting to be triggered. It’s the opposite of victimhood. It’s not self-blame or self-condemnation, it’s self-respect, seeing yourself clearly and no longer living in the delusion that you’re in control of it.

And if you have been with me for a while, you know that I believe that these compulsive behaviors aren’t even here to harm us, they think they are here to protect us, and to do good. So a little acknowledgement goes a long way…just like soothing a toddler: I hear you, I acknowledge you, I appreciate you screaming because you feel (keyword: feel. this does not denote reality) a need is not being met, but we are going to stay on path so that my needs get met for the benefit of both of us.

How Did We Get Here?

Revenge trading is a sneaky thing. It starts with a few negotiations like:

• I know what I am doing, I can size up and make this back.

• Let me just put on a small trade (versus sitting out).

• I saw this setup earlier on another name and missed out, don’t miss it again.

• Let me hold a little longer, it may reverse.

• Don’t close it, this is probably the bottom, and you don’t want to sell right before it reverses.

• This is it, the market is about to take off, this will make my account whole, size up now.

These negotiations almost always have the same underlying pattern:

Now What?

Below are some steps that I’ve been exploring to help myself:

I am capable of incredible clarity, and I am equally capable of chaos if I stop paying attention. Awareness doesn’t feed the negativity, it draws a line. It keeps me grounded and objective. It’s how I trade, how I grow, and how I stay in integrity with myself, not just in the market.